As a dog owner–and sometimes dog lover–I’ve come to appreciate the life lessons my dog has taught me. I thought I’d share some of those with you. So here are the top 10 lessons I learned from my dog.
10. Staring, unblinking, into the eyes of a person will cause food to appear.
9. Bark vigorously at least twice daily.
8. If you can’t find anything to bark at, simply make something up.
7. Other dogs aren’t really larger than you, they’re using their powers of illusion to fool you. Feel free to attack.
6. Cat paws are not like dog paws. These are to be avoided.
5. Forget #6 and lunge right into that dark hole and the threatening growls emanating from within.
4. When in pursuit of small backyard creatures, increase the pitch of your bark to alert your humans of the danger.
3. When a small backyard creature escapes, stand on the last known spot and bark furiously for ten hours or an unwise human–ignorant of the potential threat–removes you physically.
2. #3 does not count toward your requisite twice daily barking regiment.
…and the #1 life lesson I learned from my dog…
1. Peeing is the best way to show someone your love for them after a long absence.