Top 10 Winter Olympic Sports we really want to see


Posted On Feb 20 2014 by

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As I understand it, Winter Olympic sports were developed from real-life situations often encountered in the daily lives of northern folk. While this still doesn’t explain curling, I do believe it’s time to update some of these events to better reflect the modern snow-dwelling peoples. So I give you my top 10 Olympic Sports we really want to see…

10. Beat the plow: athletes must shovel fifty feet of driveway plus another twenty feet into the road before the county snowplow buries them and their families alive.

9. Blind auto racing: drivers race on a 20 mile track with a 1/4″ coating of salt on their windshields.

8. Teenage endurance racing: 13 to 16 year old athletes must walk ten miles in twenty degree weather wearing only torn jeans and t-shirts. Points lost for showing signs of discomfort.

7. Freestyle falling: athletes must slip while going to a mailbox. Points for distance, landing, and creative use of profanity.

6. Ice crawling: athletes must crawl, using only their fingernails, over 50 feet of ice back to their front porch. Can be done in conjunction with freestyle falling.

5. Team push: teams of 4 athletes push 1975 Pontiac Bonnevilles out of two feet of snow while a driver keeps the accelerator pushed to the floor. Points lost for use of common sense.

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4. High-heeled crosswalk: female athletes wearing skirts and high heels must cross four lanes of ice coated asphalt before the light changes and they are crushed by traffic.

 

3. Left-laning: auto racers must maintain a speed of 70mph in a snow-covered left lane. Points earned for every other driver they manage to involve in their eventual accident.

2. Slush racing: runners race for time through two inches of semi-melted snow and ice.

and the #1 Winter Olympic sport we’d really like to see…

1. Real sledding: athletic dads must race uphill while pulling a sled full of four year olds screaming for him to go faster. Points added for creative use of profanity (by the dads).

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Last Updated on: February 21st, 2014 at 8:02 am, by Ron


Written by Ron

Just about everything I believe has been shaped by the written word. But books don't force a belief; they stir the imagination so that you, the reader, eventually draw your own conclusions. We grow richer in spirit when we read, deeper in our understanding of the universe and our role in it. That's why I read. That's why I write. To offer you a bit of myself. Come along on my journey, won't you? There's plenty of room.