Yes, it’s true. Godzilla is back. He’s bigger. He’s badder. His plotlines still suck. We love him. And here are the top 10 reasons why:
10. He proves that slow, fat guys with bad breath can still be winners.
9. He’s perfected the “Jaw Splitter,” something no WWF wrestler has mastered.
8. A good old fashioned stomping trumps flashy fighting techniques any time.
7. Only monster that can swim 5000 miles without the aid of flippers or gills.
6. He manages to bypass millions of square miles of open country to fight his enemies in a major city.
5. Only monster who can convince the US and Japanese Navy that he’s a good guy just before trashing Tokyo or San Francisco.
4. Proof that the air-war really has no influence on the outcome of a major conflict.
3. Stegosaurus-style spikes prove useless in battle but look really cool (especially when they light up).
2. The perfect male–takes twenty year naps only to awake when a good ass-kicking is required.
…and the #1 reason Godzilla is king of the monsters
1. Only monster that can take out Tokyo and San Francisco just by wagging his tail.
Bonus: The reason King Kong will always be second best is because he fell in love with the first blonde he laid eyes on. Rookie mistake.