This is where I talk about me. I thought about lying to make it sound interesting, but I’m pretty sure no one will believe I was a stunt-double for Tom Hanks and had to handle all the kissing scenes with Meg Ryan.
So here’s (mostly) the truth.
I was a Navy Brat. The real thing. I started Kindergarten in Hawaii, where I learned that shoes are required in school. From there I moved to Port Orchard and Bremerton, Washington, San Diego, Virginia Beach and Yorktown, Virginia, and finally back home to Michigan. Wait…I couldn’t handle sitting still so I joined for a 4 year stint myself, where I was stationed aboard a floating bathtub called the USS Okinawa. We went around the world once. The Panama Canal was kinda cool.
Bored with warm weather and sunshine, I moved back to Michigan. This is where I met my wife, Kelly, whom I did not forewarn of my desire to write a novel someday. I’m not sure I knew at the time either.
I have two children, Sydney and Andrew. They’re large now. Syd’s studying to be a chef at the CIA. No, not the one with the guns. I know, I was disappointed, too. Actually, the Culinary Institute of America is pretty impressive. But only if you like food. Andrew is still in high school and his survival is still in question. But he’s looking at colleges and not using the male-female ratio as a determining factor. He may make it.
Somehow, I actually found people who liked my writing. I’ve been published in Bowhunter Magazine, Family RV, and have a semi-monthly column in Women 2 Women Michigan called Don’t Tell My Wife I Wrote This.
That, my friends, is life on the edge. I’m told Women2Women has 10,000 subscribers. That’s a lot of angry women if I make a misstep.
I handle all the online marketing for Hensley Mfg. They make trailer hitches. Yes, it is as exciting as it sounds. But I get to write newsletters, landing pages, those wonderful e-mail campaigns that you all love (hey, they work!), and maintain the website. I pretend it’s a website for Aerosmith instead of a hitch company. I guess I’m pretty good at it. Sales keep going up and I’m sure I’m the only guy in the world getting fan mail for a hitch company newsletter. Haven’t heard from Meg Ryan yet. Probably owns a motor home. The Hensley newsletter goes out to over 25,000 subscribers. I think that’s more readers than the New Yorker. I should probably check on that.
I’ll add a picture of my beautiful wife when I’m sure she’ll never look at my website again.